Not feeling it

I don’t have to feel it in order for it to be true. Sure, emotion is great. Rushes of passion are wonderful, but they’re not all that faith is. I am many things, most of which cannot be seen or even felt: A mother of three children. A wife. A graphic designer. A daughter, and a granddaughter. A sister. An aunt. A friend. An adult. A writer.

I don’t have to see the sun to know of its radiating warmth. I don’t have to feel a kitten’s fur to know that it is soft and fluffy (and that it will make me sneeze). I don’t have to taste a lemon to know that it will make my jaw twinge with its sourness, nor do I have to swallow a spoonful of sugar to taste its grainy sweetness. I don't need to look at a map or a passport to know that I live in America, in Indiana, in Crawfordsville. I don’t have to see a medication flowing through my veins to know that it has cured me. I don’t have to put my hand in the fire in order to know that it is hot. I don’t have to be with my children to know that I am a mother. A mother who has lost her child is still a mother. Some things shall always remain.

Once you’ve experienced something, you possess a certain knowingness. I’ve felt God before, therefore I know he is there. I’ve had prayers answered, so I know that he hears me. I’ve been physically bent over by the weight of him, and I know he is strong and powerful. I’ve had my heart broken by his grief, so I know that he cares. I’ve had him speak to me, answer questions before they’re completely articulated, so I know he talks to me. I’ve felt his love through the touch and actions of my friends, so I know he uses angels all around us. I have felt before that God is with me. I have understood that I am a child of God. I have experienced Jesus with me.

These are all things that I know to be true. So when I feel abandoned by God, when I feel all alone, I’m not doing him justice. He has promised, and He always keeps His word. So when He says He is with me, He is. Truly, genuinely, absolutely. I don’t have to feel it to know without a doubt that it is true.

No comments: